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Given the sort of society we live in, most women never got a “sex talk”. What they do get is slut-shaming, vilification and dishonesty. The little we are told is centred around pleasing men rather than ourselves.
Here are some sexual norms we’re challenging and “oddities” we’re encouraging this month.
1. Orgasms should not be one-sided: It will shock you how many women leave their sexual experiences disappointed and dissatisfied. Women are not seen as inherently sexual beings, so they are not expected to have demands sexually. Ever had a sexual experience where you felt like you were used for masturbation? Two pumps and he was done? Well, that should not be normal. Women should and deserve to seek out sexual pleasure too. You should never be afraid to ask for what you want and to leave if you feel like there is no reciprocity. Remember, you’re hot; you don’t need him.
2. Slut-shaming: Ever been asked the “body count” question? No, I have never murdered anyone. It is a ridiculous question because of what bearing is the number of a person’s prior sexual partners? Does it take away from the experience? This question is usually accompanied by subtle or outright slut-shaming. Women are not allowed to be sexually expressive in the way men are and are vilified for liking and partaking in sexual activities. Slut-shaming should have no place in society and women should be able to express their sexuality however they please.
3. Women initiating sex: Sis, I know you’ve probably been told or raised to believe that sexual activities are “done to” and not “with” you and so, it is a thing that men define the pace of and that you are merely subjected to. Women can take charge of sexual situations and define the pace if they want to. It is not taboo to initiate sex. If you want it, go for it.
4. Use of contraceptives and STD testing: Contraceptives are more accessible than they have ever been (still not nearly accessible enough) and there is an abundance of information on their use and effects. Women who aren’t actively trying to conceive should employ at least one method of contraception. There is also the need to destigmatise STD testing and STDs themselves. If you’re a sexually active woman, these are fundamental. Remember, always guiding!!!
